We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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