what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My balls are so social today.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
