yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
