I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
