lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
