Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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