my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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