If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
