when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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