if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
