she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
