Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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