So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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