Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
