My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
