One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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