fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
