dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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