tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
