Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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