Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
