Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
