Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
