the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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