I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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