i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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