my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
