You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
