So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
