my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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