I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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