I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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