In America we eat man semen.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
