her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize