She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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