my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
