How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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