If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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