That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
