So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
