the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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