im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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