We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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