I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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