Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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