Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
