i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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