one word: firstdatebathroomanal
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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