I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
