just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
