Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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