honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
