Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
