i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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