Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
