Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
