He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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