Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
