I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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