I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
