i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
