the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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