Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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