a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
