u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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